Like a lots of people I work in an office, and this probably provides most of my daily anxieties. I have two jobs, in one of the jobs, I never visit the office now (I have been twice in six months, when their were team meetings on) because I'm quite anxious about using that office. There was a day that I turned up late (due to a meeting elsewhere) got to outside the office and couldn't bring myself to go in, so turned around and went to work at home which I've been doing constantly since.
In the other job I do work in the office and sometimes brings mix blessing. It's great to work with the support team, has not always worked in an office with supportive colleagues. My colleagues all have some experience of mental health and are very understanding, to be honest I've not found such a supportive environment to supporting collages with mental health issues in other organisation I've work for. including the mental health organisations I've worked with.
The issue comes that our office is based in a bigger office. This means several points during her day I have walk through a bigger office, with people I don't know that well and they don't know me that well either, which causes me anxieties. I have worked in that building for worked in a building for a year now and it still causes me similar anxiety issues that it did a year ago today when I started.
I find it very difficult to engage in any sort of conversation with people I don't know that well, my social anxiety is that I struggle to speak to random people (strangers). Somehow I break down the barriers with people and then become more comfortable, but this takes a process which I don't really understand. I just know sometimes I come in and feel comfortable with people and can speak with them, but otherwise I feel anxious.
The biggest problem is that I don't know what the process is, so I don't know what I could do differently with other people to replicate the process.
Back to the office situation, as I said our office is sandwiched between two other offices which I usually have to walk in at some point during the day. I've never really been able to break down the barriers with anybody who works within those offices so I don't speak to the people in those offices. Despite having works for the organisation for a year, their are probably people I've spoken less than an 100 words too.
I get the feeling that I'm the least response personally who works within the office, so when I walk through the office people look at me different to other people. I think they think I'm quite strange because I don't speak with anybody, I just sometimes struggle to let on, say hi to people. In reality, it hell, I feel so awkward doing so that I want to go and hide, and mentally beat myself up.
I don't know whether this is because of fear of rejection, I've considered whether that's the reason but I don't know. I just can't put into words how I feel when I'm put in those situations.
As a result I now feel awkward when I walk through that office. I get the perception that people get the feeling I'm a strange loner (but they might not do) and equally feels as uncomfortable about me walking through the office as I do when I walk through the office. Because of it I would try and avoid walking through the main office during the day, I try to avoid having drinks which would require a walk to the kitchen or using the toilet at the other side of the office, I'd rather use my safe space.
The second office is where the printer that our office use is located. I occasionally have to walk into the office and pick up printing. Again if there is a lot of people in the office, my anxiety increases about walking into the office (but due to the working pattern of the people who work there it's often empty). The office that I work in as a window that looks into this office, and they look onto our office. Because when I was sitting in the office I was the facing this window, so this meant until recently I was facing people who works in this office who I never really spoke with. This was very strange for me and must have been strange for them to. Because of this one and sometimes was looking up and straight into their office.
I would often glance into their office to see what they were doing, but feel very awkward about doing it. I didn't want the people in the office think I'm some sort of person who watches over people. I often joke to colleagues that we should put blinds on the Windows or something else to cover them, so that I wasn't looking into another team's office, it just made me feel awkward and I was worried that people thinking I was strange if they spotted me glancing into their office (or worse).
Anyway this stops a few months ago because the team that was locate in the office facing me move the desk to another part of their office that was not within my site, I never asked why they did that, it may have been because of me, I hope it wasn't. It does leave a slight awkwardness that my social anxiety may have affected other people.
The final way that working in this office affect me, is there are some slight issues within the wider office, you get these in a larger office. Because I'm the more isolated member of the office, the one that keeps themselves to themselves. I have a fear that one day I'll come in and because I'm seem to be strange I will be accused of doing something I've not done simply because people don't understand me. I actually have a fear that people think I've doing something of me that I not, simply because I struggle to communicate in a normal way way.
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